Why 50/50 Relationships Often Don’t Work: Real Stories from Kenyan Women
Moving in with your partner is all about finding that sweet spot of compromise. You’ve got bills to split and chores to tackle, like whipping up dinner or scrubbing the bathroom. Some tasks get shared equally, while others might fall on one person’s shoulders in exchange for taking care of something else.
So, what exactly is a 50/50 relationship?
A 50/50 relationship means both partners are equally involved, whether it’s sharing financial responsibilities or handling household chores.
Wairimu, 26, shares her story about her 50/50 boyfriend.
I met Roy on Tinder, and honestly, engineers on dating apps are everywhere, which says a lot. After a few months of dating, we decided to move in together. Our first place was a cozy one-bedroom in Roysambu, perfectly situated between our jobs. Even though Roy earned almost double what I did, he insisted we stick to a 50/50 split in our relationship, which eventually led to some serious resentment.
There were times when he would ask me to pay him back for dates, meals, and activities he had suggested. Things got really complicated when he proposed that “our” money should also cover his outstanding HELB loan from university.
This created a lot of frustration for me, as I thought it was unfair to include his student loan payments in our shared expenses, especially since I was earning so much less.
I suggested that instead of splitting everything down the middle, we should look at it as a percentage of our salaries.
But that conversation never really went anywhere. I found it hard to save any money, and Roy would reassure me that his growing savings would eventually benefit both of us.
The boiling point for me was his audacity to demand I foot a dinner bill at a place of his choice right in front of the waitress. “I paid for movies last night, just sort this bill. It’s 50/50 remember?” I had never been more humiliated.
After spending a year together, we both landed new jobs, but he still earned more than I did. We kept splitting the bills, which only led to more arguments. I often thought about leaving the relationship, but I hesitated because I was scared of going through the whole cycle of dating again, especially after three years of countless dates that led nowhere. Plus, I genuinely enjoyed Roy’s company, which made it even tougher to walk away.
Eventually, all the encouragement from my friends and family pushed us to end things. Looking back a year later, I don’t regret that choice at all.
Not long after our breakup, I matched with another guy on Tinder who turned out to be everything I was looking for and more.
In just a few months of dating, he showed incredible generosity, rarely letting me pay unless I insisted. When we got together, his kindness really shone through.
He would buy things for my family, help me out when I was tight on cash, and he hardly ever asked for money back, even when I offered. He just loved treating me.
I felt so much more at ease with him compared to Roy, who always made me feel like any money-related topic was a potential disaster waiting to happen.
I’ve come to realize that in today’s world, a man’s generosity is one of the most attractive qualities, something that was seriously missing in my last relationship.
So, ladies, if your guy isn’t treating you the way you think he should—especially when it comes to finances—then it might be time to let him go. Trust me, there are plenty of others out there who will treat you right. I can vouch for that from my own experience.
Honestly, if a man can’t support you now, what makes you think he’ll step up when you decide to start a family?
Let me introduce you to Mukami, 24, who shares her story about her “50/50” relationship with her ex-boyfriend, Dave.
I first met Dave back in university, and I still remember that day vividly. We were both part of the drama team and had a bit of a crush on each other. The more time we spent together during rehearsals, the stronger our feelings grew.
After two months, we decided to officially date. At that time, Dave was in his fourth year while I was just a second-year student. I had always lived off-campus, while Dave was comfortable in the hostels.
A year later, Dave had finished his studies and was eagerly looking for an internship at a nearby company. While he was waiting, he asked if he could crash at my place since he claimed he had “nowhere” to go.
He assured me he’d move out as soon as he landed that internship. But days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Honestly, letting him move in was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.
I’ve always had an entrepreneurial spirit, selling jewelry and sweets to my fellow students, and even renting an M-Pesa shop close to campus.
Meanwhile, Dave spent his days lounging at my place, watching movies and sometimes heading out to play video games with his friends. He knew I was making money from my little business because I’d share my earnings with him.
To him, a 50/50 relationship meant one person provides financially while the other handles chores. In our case, I was the one footing the bills while he took care of the dishes, laundry, and other household tasks, which just didn’t sit well with me.
I’ve always believed that a man’s role is to provide, but he shouldn’t be doing that with just half of what his partner brings to the table.
“A woman’s money belongs to her and a man’s money should be shared.” I thought the statement was true until the day Dave asked me to give him 50% of what I made so that he could buy stuff in the house.
Surprisingly, I gave in, even though I knew it was a bad decision. I was completely blinded by love. I mean, what do you expect from a naïve girl who just craves affection? It was clear that I had no real understanding of what love truly meant.
Months later, Dave landed a paid internship, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I thought he might either move out or finally chip in to help with the bills. But, alas! That didn’t happen at all.
He would only buy groceries that cost no more than 50 Kenyan shillings. Whenever the cooking gas ran low, he always had an excuse ready to avoid contributing his share. I grew tired of it all and decided to end the relationship. One thing I’ve learned is that I will never date a broke man again; I’m not even interested in a 50/50 kind of setup.
Margaret (48) shares her thoughts on why 50/50 doesn’t work in her marriage.
My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have raised two wonderful kids together. In the early years of our marriage, we both had full-time jobs, but we still made it a point to help each other with the kids and other family responsibilities.
Whoever got home first would help the kids with their homework and sometimes even whip up dinner. Then, my husband lost his job, which meant he spent more time at home. He took on most of the cleaning, cooking, and childcare duties.
You know, it felt like we really “switched places” for a while. He mentioned that the first couple of weeks were great, but then he started feeling overwhelmed, and honestly, it was tough for me too, coming home from work only to face more tasks waiting for me.
I’m not suggesting that one partner can’t work full-time outside the home and still pitch in with cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids, or the other way around.
But this unique phase of swapping roles really opened our eyes to how much effort each of us puts in for the other and for our family.
In our marriage, we’ve never really had a true 50/50 split. Even when it comes to finances, there are times when I have more money than he does, and other times it’s the opposite. When those moments happen, we just make the most of what we have. We truly value the ways we both give our all every single day.
These stories highlight how a 50/50 relationship can look different for everyone.
Wawira, 27, points out that in a relationship where one partner earns significantly more than the other, splitting expenses down the middle just doesn’t seem fair.
“If it was a roommate situation, that would have been okay; there wouldn’t be an end goal of building a financial future together and spending and saving as a team,” she adds.
Muriuki, 34, describes himself as a traditional man who believes in taking on his responsibilities and providing for his partner.
“Men should be hardworking, this issue of making women pay bills calls for disrespect. No woman will submit to a man she provides for. As a man, you should be in charge, and be ahead in everything. If your money isn’t enough, find a way of investing, otherwise, your woman will step on you and there’s nothing you’ll do.”
Why 50/50 Relationships Often Don’t Work: Real Stories from Kenyan Women
